


Loneliness Causes Boredom

by duckhyuck



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, Kind of angsty, Kisses, M/M, Rain, best friends mark and jeno, jeno is a soft and sensitive boy, mostly soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-25
Updated: 2017-10-25
Packaged: 2019-01-22 17:22:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,520
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12486908
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/duckhyuck/pseuds/duckhyuck
Summary: It takes Jeno a little time and assistance to realize that a gentle demeanor and a sensitive heart doesn't equate to a lack of interesting character.





	Loneliness Causes Boredom

**Author's Note:**

> yah its ya boy back at it again ignoring their chapter fic YIKES! sorry I love this series too much! I just want to thank you guys for all the love on it too, like I always think my writing is shit but it's such an uplifting thing to see when I read through such wonderful comments! I really hope you guys enjoy this :)
> 
>  
> 
> warnings for: implied homophobia, short scene of bullying

His untied shoelace gets submerged in a rain puddle.

Jeno sighs.

He carries on, one foot slightly heavier than the other. 

He’s got two tests today, functions and English. He has zero clue about factoring even though it's been three months into the semester so he's totally screwed over. Hopefully his vague knowledge on King Lear's mental deterioration will keep his total average at something reasonable. 

He pops his headphones in and continues his dull walk to school. He regrets leaving his raincoat at home.

 

 

  * ••



 

 

"Are you the new student joining this class?" Mr. Lee asks quietly.

 A boy with fluffy brown hair hesitates then nods.

 "Wonderful, the students are writing a test today but don't worry we'll get you all caught up." 

 The boy gives another delayed nod before wandering to an empty desk at the front of the class. Jeno watches from three rows back before looking at the clock and mentally cursing at himself. He shouldn't have wasted so much time staring.

 

 

  * ••



 

 

“How was your test?”

 Jeno looks up from his sandwich, his senior and long time best friend Mark, sits down across from him.

 “Not too bad, I’m mostly concerned for math; you know I’ve never been good with that stuff.” He takes another bite of his sandwich, missing the areas with BBQ sauce so it’s an awful mouthful of dryness. He squints and swallows.

 “I’ll do review with you after the test, see where you went wrong and stuff so you can at least pass the exam.” Mark opens up his lunch box and the boys fall into comfortable silence for a moment.

 “Have you got your acceptances yet?” Jeno asks.

 “ _Mhmm.”_ Mark’s lips quirk upwards.

 “Care to share?”

 “Nope! Not yet!” Mark’s smile becomes a smirk fully knowing the irritation he’s putting the other through.

 Jeno huffs, balling up the plastic sandwich wrap in his fist. “Tell me this then, is it out of town?”

 Mark stops chewing for a second and looks like he’s blanked out, he recovers and resumes eating. Jeno waits, his eyes never leaving the elder’s face.

 “Yeah it’s out of town.”

 Jeno looks down into his lap. His only friend, the only person who ever took the time to get to know him. Gone. They’ll be separated all of next year and the years after that as well. Since Jeno’s grades can’t get him a scholarship he’ll be stuck going to the city’s local college. It’s cheaper and easy to get into. His brain becomes so wired, wondering if Mark will come home for holidays, if he’ll text him and keep him updated.

 He’s scared but he won’t show that to Mark. He’s good at pretending, it’s a perk of his monotonous resting face.

 “That’s cool.” He squeaks out.

_That’s why it’s raining today. It’s a sad day._

 

 

  * ••



 

 

Jeno wakes up to four fuzzy cat paws stomping all over his chest.

  _Meow…meow…meow….meoooow_

“What…what! _Shhhhh!”_

 The cat bumps foreheads with him and Jeno begrudgingly runs a hand through the soft fur.

 “Yeah yeah, I’m awake.”

 He finds out later, when he gets up, that his cat was all up in his business for a good reason. The food container is empty and Jeno doesn’t actually have any left in the bag either. He’s got shopping to do!

 He grabs his hoodie and ball cap then snags the umbrella from inside the front hall closet. He hears his brother Jaehyun yell at him to grab a Kit Kat but he’ll feign ignorance for the sake of his thinning wallet.

 It’s only drizzling today. If Mark were with him he’d be complaining about frizzing hair and worrying if they’d run into Seulgi. Jeno finds entertainment in the way his friend’s face will tint pink at the thought of the sweet older girl. Mark is just so pure and innocent and Jeno is really really going to miss him.

 The bell chimes off when Jeno steps into the pet store; he’s greeted by a senior with a familiar face. The guy seems to always be working when Jeno pops by. They give each other a quick smile and go back to their own business.

 Jeno plucks one of the great value bags off the shelf and hauls it to the register. He queues up in line behind a boy around the same height as him. His hair is brown and fluffy and the nape of his neck shows pale smooth skin.

 Jeno blinks, he knows this kid. He ponders for a second and then it clicks. The boy turns and Jeno catches his full profile. He’s the new kid! Jeno watches as he places a clear plastic bag down on the counter. It’s filled with water and tied off at the top. A blue and violet betta fish swims awkwardly in circles in the encasement.

 Jeno becomes mesmerized by the tail of the small creature and then by the slim fingers curling around the tied off end of the bag. His trance breaks as the cashier greets him and the line continues forward.

 He doesn’t pay extra for a bag and regrets it, so now he’s hauling ass to the bus stop with pounds of cat food in his arms. The drizzle is now a down pour thus the reason he’s picking transit over the fifteen minute walk. The umbrella strap is tied around his wrist and it swings back and forth knocking into his left knee ever so often. He desperately wishes he could use it. Thankfully the stop is around the corner and across the street, a sheltered seating area included.

 He stumbles under the roof huffing. He throws the cat food onto the bench with a crunchy landing and then proceeds to plop himself down on top of it. He crosses his arms grumbling until he settles down all the commotion he’s caused. It’s just as he relaxes that he notices the presence right beside him.

 Jeno turns his head slowly to his left and is met with _that kid_ who is staring at him mouth slightly agape. Jeno jumps in his seat a little at the shock. His face flushes and he mutters a small apology, embarrassed at his minuscule rampage over cat bits.

 The other boy looks away quickly, ducking his head. His purchased fish sits safely between his legs.

The rain is pounding hard against the roof of the shelter but somehow it can't distract Jeno from the thumping in his chest. His hands twitch nervously as the other's presence inflates next to him. 

Its not that he doesn't want to talk to the boy, it's that Jeno has zero confidence in himself. He's only ever spoken so much to Mark and of course his own family. Regarding anyone else he's just too terrified that people will find out how boring he really is. When Mark finally leaves he's gonna be so so lonely, he wonders when he'll really break. 

He awakens from his thoughts to a soft tap on the shoulder. The cute boy is now standing up retracting his outstretched hand and with a gentle voice he tells Jeno the bus has arrived, in broken Korean. 

Jeno blinks, "The bus..." He says slowly, still trying to figure out what's happening. His shoulder tingles where he's been touched. "Oh! Oh it's here, thank you!!" Jeno exclaims too loudly, the boy jumps a little then nods. Jeno's face flushes as he watches the boy turn to board. He's so embarrassed.

Jeno follows, boarding second. He takes a seat across from the boy. It’s partially full and he won't admit it but he’s thankful it makes it acceptable for him to sit close to the other again. 

He begins to take peeks here and there at the other's face. He hides slightly behind the cat food bag; it noisily crunches as he shifts around.

The boy has small but sharp features, with a nose that curves softly at the tip. His lips seem warm and inviting (Jeno becomes sweaty and confused as to why he'd be muling over that particular facial aspect). 

He also has nice hands, Jeno likes that he can finally appreciate them as they delicately hold onto the fish bag. Jeno comes to the conclusion that the other is indeed very handsome and undoubtedly adorable. 

_But why am I thinking about this again?_

 

 

  * ••



 

 

"Hey, where's Mark?" 

Jeno looks up to see Sicheng staring down at him. He's a senior who came back for a lap because his Korean still needs tuning to be successful in postsecondary. 

"Campus tour today, it's out of town." 

"Alrighty thanks," Sicheng turns around and calls out to another student, "Let's go Renjun." 

Ahhh that makes sense Jeno thinks. Renjun is the boy from his English class and the pet store a week ago. Sicheng always talked about having a brother back in China. Their separation was due to their parent's own. This would explain for Renjun's quiet demeanour and broken speech, he's probably struggling with the new surroundings. 

Momentarily Jeno thinks of taking advantage of the fact Renjun might not have many friends. He guesses he could probably make himself established in the other's life but the reminder that he is pathetically monotonous and dull keeps him from harbouring upon that thought any longer. He would eventually just become a disappointment and be discarded. 

_Why did Mark ever wanna be my friend?_

 

 

  * ••



 

 

"How was your tour?"

"It was really good, the campus is huge." Mark scrolls down his Instagram feed. He's flopped out on his back on Jeno's bed. Jeno sits on the floor, back resting against it. 

Jeno hums. 

"Have you thought about what you want to do Jeno?"

"Not really, all I know is that I'll probably be going to the local college. You know me hyung, you know my marks."

Mark huffs, "You're not stupid Jeno."

"I didn't say I—

—not what I meant. You don't have to be stuck here. You have other redeeming qualities, marks aren't the only things looked at on your transcript. So longs as you're not trying to be a doctor." Mark laughs a little.

"I guess your right." Jeno stands up and moves towards the window. The rain has been so bad lately, he wonders if his melancholy mood has been the catalyst for all the weatherly gloom. He rests his arm on the sill. "It's just… who knows how I'll handle next year, man I feel lost."

Mark puts his phone down and looks over at Jeno. "What do you mean?" 

Jeno sighs and looks nervously over at Mark then decides to glance back out the window. "I don't know, it's just gonna be lonely, that's all. I'm not sure how I'll handle it."

Mark frowns, "You're going to miss me? Is that what you're getting at?"

Jeno bites his bottom lip, releasing it when it gets sore. "Fuck you Mark, you're really gonna make me say it?" Jeno looks at the older boy who now has concern written all over his face. "You're my only friend Mark, the only god damn friend I have and probably ever will," Jeno's cheeks become hot, he's crying now. "I'm gonna be all alone, it's going to be so pathetic. I hate that I only have you to rely on, that you’re my only source of dependability. I, I—

Mark rolls off the bed and pulls Jeno into a warm hug, patting his back lightly. 

"I hate you," Jeno whispers, "But I hate myself even more for not being lovable, for not being able to make other friends."

Mark squeezes tighter, "I'm never gonna disappear from your life completely, you know that. And don't say you aren't lovable, that makes me feel like I don't show you enough of how much I care about you. You're my best friend, I'll always love you."

Jeno mumbles measly _thanks_ into the collar of Mark's shirt where his tears are slowly starting to stain. 

"I'm sorry for freaking out and saying I hate you, I think the better word would have been envious..." Jeno says after he's calmed down significantly.

Mark chuckles softly, "You're allowed to have feelings loser and don't worry I know what you meant. Besides I probably deserved it, I take my wide circle of friends for granted. So _ughh_...thanks for making me a little more aware of this...you know."

Jeno pulls aways from the embrace, "Anytime." 

"Are we good?" Mark asks, a bit of worry on his face.

Jeno laughs internally, always like his senior to fret and be so sincere. Mark has one too many redeeming qualities and he assumes that's why he values their friendship so much. Mark choosing to be close with him is something he's always going to be thankful for.

"Of course we are...loser."

 

 

  * ••



 

 

Jeno watches his brother practicing for baseball. He, like Sicheng, stayed back another year. He's got a scholarship to a school just an hour away, he just had to get his marks up to the standard to keep his qualification. Thus he's once again back on the stomping grounds of high school with Jeno.

He walks over to the bleachers, headphones in. Some western song Mark showed him last weekend is blasting out. What was it...Dark Years? No, Ages? Definitely by that MGMT band. Whatever, it's good.

He's happy to chill in the warming weather, watching the boys do hitting practice. He won't sugar coat it but Jaehyun can swing the bat. There are always girls coming to ogle over him. Jeno's never been jealous, he's not sure why but it makes him proud.

The sun dips away and reappears behind slow moving white fluffy clouds. Jeno's barely got his eyes open, the playlist now shooting out soft Japanese swing pop. Cindy, Angel Touch, her voice is beautiful. Jeno could drift off.

Suddenly, something white whips by his face with a crinkly noise. A yelp of fear comes from the lower bleacher seats.

Jeno sits up and sees a piece of paper whipping around in the wind, a boy with fluffy brown hair is madly chasing after it. He seems wrecked and absolutely terrified. So Jeno, ever the saint, lends a hand.

He hops off the bleachers and walks over to where the paper is endlessly dancing in the wind. He times it just right, snagging the piece before it blew off in the opposite direction.

When he has it gathered in his hands he takes a quick glance. It's a sheet with a music staff, notes penciled in everywhere.

When Jeno sees the shocked boy he connects the dots using past recollection. Renjun.

"Here." he passes over the sheet.

"Thank you." Renjun says quietly, his eyes trained on his feet. 

Screw it.

Jeno takes a leap of faith

"You write music?" Jeno asks clearly. He’s rewarded greatly for inquiring.

Renjun beams, his pale cheeks gain a rosy colour and his smile reveals an endearing little snaggletooth. 

"Yes." He says shyly, scratching at the back of his neck.

Jeno melts. "That's wonderful!" 

 Renjun laughs airily.

 "You're Sicheng's brother right?" Jeno keeps the conversation going. He doesn't want to give up.

 Renjun nods. "I came from China two months ago," he's holding up three fingers cutely though. "My Korean is very bad." He looks down at his feet.

 "I don't think it's so bad!" Jeno smiles. "It just takes time and practice, does Sicheng help you?"

 "He doesn't have the time." Renjun says a little glum.

  _Here's my chance, here it is_. Jeno's ready to be selfish, his heart is racing full speed. _I can do this, I can do this._

 "Well I'm always free to help you out at lunch time or after school."

 The look on Renjun's face makes it seem like he's never had a hand lent to him. It breaks Jeno's heart but also gives him the warmth he needs to know he's doing something good not just for himself.

 "Really?" Renjun asks hesitantly, eyes wide.

 Jeno knows his eyes are curling upwards alongside his smile. "For sure!"

 

 

  * ••



 

 

"Finally making new friends?"

 Jeno peers up to see his brother leaning against his bedroom door frame. He mumbles something of an affirmative back.

 "Does Mark know?"

 Yikes, that doesn't make Jeno feel good because his best friend really doesn't know. Now he feels like he's been secretly trying to replace Mark. He must be a terrible friend, how could he do this to Mark, especially after complaining to him?

 "Relax Jeno, you always take things the wrong way."

 Jaehyun has always had incredible perception on what his younger brother is feeling. It irritates Jeno to no extent even if it makes life easier. Less effort needed to voice how he feels.

 "What I mean is that Mark's going to be really proud of you. You are his best friend after all, you know him the most. You know he's gonna be happy to hear."

 Jeno just stares. 

 Jaehyun sighs over the lack of no response and rolls off the wall probably to wander back to his room.

 Jeno's clenching his bedsheets so tightly, fighting off the stupid tears welling up.

  _Mark is too good for me, of course he's going to be proud._

 

 

  * ••



 

 

“You’ve almost got it; you’re just using the wrong word. Do you want me to tell you?”

 Renjun shakes his head rapidly, muttering _no no_ as he flips through his pages of Korean words he’s learned with Jeno. He stops flipping then smiles pointing to a word. “This one?”

 Jeno grins, “Yup!”

 Renjun still smiling, sighs.

 “Hey don’t worry about it,” Jeno takes the book of words from him and scans through it, “look how far you’ve come, you already know the meaning of all these words. Plus, your sentence structure is completely understandable.”

 That seems to take the edge of disappointment off the other’s shoulders.

 “Thank you Jeno.”

 Jeno hums, “It’s nothing man, now let’s eat, Jaehyun brought home pizza.”

 

 

  * ••



 

 

Jeno’s making his way over to the local ball diamond to meet Jaehyun and walk home together. It starts to rain, again. Jeno finds he’d be a lot fonder of the rain if he were inside for the times it comes.

 He picks up the pace, it’s nothing but a drizzle but the dampness causes pain in his chest. Bad things always happen, when it rains, or bad feelings at the least.

 He doesn’t put his headphones in, something he comes to be grateful for not doing so later.

 He’s walking down a strip of town. The diamond is just at the end of the street where it slowly fades to more country like land. That’s when he hears it. A cackle comes from in between a short alley way between two shops Jeno’s walking by. The sound of a shove and clacking scrape against brick. Jeno freezes, listening more attentively.

 “What’s this Junnie? _Hmm_?”

Jeno doesn’t really recognize the voices. He can’t even make out what they’re saying.

 “Can’t speak? Don’t understand what I’m saying? _Pfft_ why’d you even come here? Try to escape this bullshit back home? _Huh?”_

Jeno figures its two males from the tone. He puts his back against the front wall of the building.

 There’s another shove and a whimper.

 Jeno spurs into action, whipping around the corner, “Hey!”

 Two boys look back at him, one of them pinning a body against the wall. Jeno can’t get a good look yet.

 “What the hell, do you think you’re doing!?”

 The snickering starts up again.

 “Oh look its lover boy himself.” One of them says, smirking.

 Jeno recognizes one of the asshats as someone from his English class; the other is a junior with nothing better to do.

 “Let them go.” Is all he says, he hasn’t exactly prepared for this kind of situation.

 The junior looks ready to throw down but the one in Jeno’s grade holds up, turning to the younger and whispering in his ear.

 “Lee Jeno, right?” The classmate yells down.

 Jeno nods.

 “No problem here, we’ll be taking our leave.”

  _Well if they don’t know me, they know my brother is Jaehyun and I guess that’s just as good._

 They let the other kid go, body slumping down against the wall and if for a minute you think Jeno would mistake those pretty hands pulling at fluffy brown hair for anyone else, you’re dead wrong.

 “Renjun!”

 A sob sends a dagger through Jeno’s heart.

 “It’s okay I’m here now, I’m here, it’s all right.” Jeno like on instinct takes the boy into his arms, letting him cry into his shoulder. He runs a hand through that soft hair he’s been obsessing over, trying his best to stop the quakes racking the other. He simply repeats words of security over and over in a hush voice.

 Over Renjun’s shoulder he sees a calendar book splayed open, muddy shoe prints dirtying the once pristine pages. Every Thursday has “ ** _Studying with Jeno_** ” penned in. Little hearts in glittery purple gel pen surround the marked dates. You can’t mistake it for anything else.

 Jeno’s chest grows warm and his hold on Renjun’s body tightens.

 

 

  * ••



 

 

“What made you go out and buy a fish back then?”

 Jeno finally got permission to go over to Renjun’s house. Once Renjun’s dad believed Jeno was the one helping his son with studies (also confirmed through Sicheng) he was invited over.

 The boys are currently watching the majestic little fish swish around in the circular glass bowl.

 Renjun adjusts his circular framed glasses. “I was lonely.” His voice comes out muffled against his arm. His body is hunched over the counter alongside Jeno’s.  

 Jeno side eyes the other boy, wondering if he’ll continue. He does.

 “I had a fish back home too. I don’t really know, I think I missed it but part of me also liked having this pet that’s also forced to be alone.”

 “It’s forced to be alone?”

 “ _Mhmm_ it would attack anything else if it were to be in the tank. So I thought if I was damned to be lonely, I don’t want to be the only one.”

 Renjun’s eyes turn sad; Jeno knows a part of the other is still left in China. It’s understandable. Jeno would feel the same.

 Sensing the mood dropping rapidly Jeno fidgets to make a distraction until he can come up with something.

 “Want to go for a walk? We can study more when we come back.” He suggests.

 “Okay.”

 They walk to the front door. Jeno pulls his hoodie back on that he’s got tied around his waist. “ _Ah_ it’s raining again.” He says sombrely.

 Renjun bounces. “I love the rain!” He exclaims clapping his hands together.

 Jeno laughs, “Got an umbrella?”

 Renjun’s face twists in confusion, “Umbrella?”

  _Oops we’ve gotta add that to the list._ Jeno makes a triangle shape over his head hoping Renjun gets the message. Thankfully he does and he pulls one out from the front hall closet albeit a giggling mess.

 They huddle under it together once outside, Jeno holds it up for the two of them. The rain isn’t too heavy. Besides, they’ll only walk the block.

 It’s been hard for them recently, since that alleyway incident. Neither of them knows how to bring it up, to talk about it. Jeno doesn’t want to hurt Renjun’s pride and Renjun is most likely ashamed to even recall. So Jeno makes it his mission to do what he can to show that, if Renjun would like it to be so, he’ll always be there for him.

 Jeno switches the umbrella to his outer hand but maintains it so it’s still above both of them. He gives it a few moments until their pinky fingers _accidentally_ brush together. After a couple more times Jeno latches on intertwining their little fingers into what symbolizes a promise for many. Their hands swing back and forth together between them, they don’t say a word or look at each other but the action itself is what means the most.

  _I’ll be here for you no matter what, so long as you let me._

 

  * _••_



 

Mark’s graduation is beautiful. Mark looks beautiful. Mark has carved a hole right through Jeno’s feeble heart.

 “Ceremonies done champ you did it.” Jeno pats Mark’s back.

 “Yeah,” Mark says, a bit of longing lilting his voice, “Bring it in Jeno.”

 The hug is warm and if it lasted a second longer Jeno would be beating himself up over his dumb sensitivity issues.

 Parents are leaving the banquet area, filing out so it’s just students and staff. They have a dance for the graduates post ceremony. Jeno will be taking his leave shortly.

 He rubs his eye with the back of his hand making sure he keeps his leaky prone eyes dry.

 “No crying yet, we still have two weeks together big guy.”

 Jeno laughs but it’s sad and Mark can tell and he’s embarrassed because he hates being sad in front of Mark.

 “I think I should go now, have a fun night okay.” He means it sincerely, he can already here a couple of Mark’s buddy’s asking him to hit up the dance floor.

 “Okay, let’s hang out soon?”

 “Yeah, of course!” Jeno takes his leave. He glances over his shoulder once just to see his best friend once more as a high school student. It’s a mental picture to forever be sentimental over.

 Jeno gets into the passenger seat; Jaehyun came to pick him up.

 “How’s Mark?”

 “Good.” Jeno says curtly. He looks out the window. Its dark now and the moon shines brightly. The cliché hits right on cue too as it starts to downpour.

 Jeno cries.

 Jaehyun reaches over to rub the boy’s thigh comfortingly. Jaehyun takes a back road, giving Jeno more time to calm himself down in the car instead of being bombarded by his parents. They’re nosy people but well meaning. Jaehyun knows his brother doesn’t need them all up in his business right now though.

 After a couple minutes of sobbing into his sleeve, wiping snot all over it, Jeno’s pain shrivels up into small hiccups in his chest.

 “Jeno?”

 “Yeah?” He croaks out.

 “Do you love Mark?”

 “Of course I—

 —not like that. Love, love Mark, that’s what I mean.”

  _Oh._

Jeno stops to think and it’s all really quite simple because he takes the time to imagine himself kissing Mark square on the lips but at the last second it changes. His hidden desire rewrites the script. A sharp nose that curves softly at the tip brushes his own, slim beautiful fingers curl at his nape and fluffy brown hair tickles his forehead. His imagination is on full 1080p. He’s practically forgotten about Mark.

 “No.” He whispers.

 Jeno wants a relationship with intimacy and he can’t picture that happening with Mark. He’s like a brother. Nonetheless he loves him with all his might. On the other hand he’s come to a shocking realization. Firstly, the initial question didn’t even faze him. Secondly, he just had a Michael Bay motion picture of him kissing a boy playing in his mind. Thirdly, he was certainly into that film because his heart is racing and his hands are sweaty and it’s not the _I want to throw up that’s so gross_ feeling, it’s the _I want to throw up because my chest feels so full of love_ one.

 Jaehyun calls it out first.

 “But do you like boys?”

 “Don’t tell mom or dad.”

 

 

  * ••



 

 

Jeno’s struggling. Mark’s taken his leave to Canada for studies. That was the biggest shock and it makes sense that Mark kept it on the down low, Jeno would have been having a mental break down during midterms and that’d be no good. The senior would have already had known that. Fuck Mark for being such a good guy.

 Mark was born in Canada, lived their until he was ten but spoke Korean at home so besides the general culture shock of coming to Korea for his parents work, he adapted quite nicely. Renjun was very jealous when he was informed of this.

 Jeno knew the older had wanted to go back he had just never actually imagined it happening. He’s happy for Mark though, he swears he really is. Mark already said he will be coming back each summer as well and when he’s finished his studies he said he wanted his work to be back in Korea. That should be enough to get Jeno through the year.

 The worst part about this all is that Renjun knows that there’s a gaping hole in Jeno’s chest where Mark had once fit ever so nicely. Thus Renjun now feels like shit (even if he won’t voice it, Jeno knows) because he simply can’t be that kind of replacement.

 The thing is Jeno kind of wants him to be. He wants Renjun to become a number one in his life in a new special way. He’s just too fricking stupid as always to get himself together. He hyped himself up once to make Renjun become his friend but now he just can’t take this next step. It’s all because he might lose everything he worked so hard for. He didn’t even think he could obtain friendship and now that he hasn’t lost it over his boring personality why would he throw it all way over some excessive feelings?

Jeno thinks back to the hearts, those pretty purple scrawled in hearts circling the study dates. There’s only one way to read that but then again while yes Renjun is a feminine guy, others are like that too. It doesn’t mean a thing about anything. Stereotypes aren’t cool; Jeno refuses to make inferences with them.

 

 

  * ••



 

 

Jeno’s lying on his bed in the sweltering heat of August. His pathetic longing for Mark still floats around the air.

 He gets a double knock on his closed bedroom door. Jaehyun calls softly to him, telling him he has a visitor.

 The door opens and Renjun walks inside, timidly, as if Jeno was going to yell at him to leave.

  _I didn’t mean to make people hurt by feeling this way. I didn’t mean to._

“Hey.” Jeno calls.

 Renjun smiles, “Hey.”

 Jaehyun awkwardly coughs at the door, “You good?”

 Jeno nods. His brother shuts the door quietly, leaving the two in peace.

 Renjun settles on the floor, he has a book bag with him. From what Jeno can see there are just a couple slips of paper inside. He’s inclined to ask about it but he doesn’t want to come off rude or intrusive. He sits silently hoping that Renjun came here on a mission because right now he’s being a shit friend who can’t seem to find the words to speak.

 “I made something for you,” Renjun starts, “do you still have…” he looks around the room for something. “...do you still have your guitar?”

Jeno’s brows furrow, “Yeah,” he points to his closet, “it’s in there.”

 Renjun gets up, opens the closet door, accidentally pulls a sweater off a hook but manages to get the guitar free. He lies it down and reaches into his bag pulling out the papers.

 Jeno takes a peek; one has Hangeul written largely with Mandarin underneath it. The other is a few sheets of music.

 “I—I wrote you, _err_ I wrote a song for you.” Renjun says but it’s rushed as hell and Jeno almost doesn’t catch it.

 “You wrote me a—

 —can I play it for you?”

 Renjun’s blushing madly and Jeno would have taken this as a sign of something if he wasn’t so preoccupied with his own red face.

 “Of course.”

 Renjun’s voice could part the heavens if he played for God. That’s just fact.

 Sometimes he stutters on words or misses a cord but he picks himself back up effortlessly. Jeno can’t quite believe his ears because it all sounds like one big confession. The lyrics, the melody, Renjun’s burning ears and closed eyes.

 Jeno’s hands begin to shake and all he can think of is his little junior self, lost, stuck under Mark’s wing and fearing a world without him. He never could imagine that the sweetest and most adorable boy would tumble into his life giving him endless affection just for him being himself.

 He doesn’t know what to do with himself so he handles his emotions like he always does. He cries.

 Renjun finishes just in time and it’s so cute how he rushes to Jeno’s side, afraid that maybe he really isn’t that good at Korean and he put something offensive in the song. He puts his hands on Jeno’s shoulders but by this point they’ve become too flustered to do anything else.

 Jeno’s heart leaps and his mouth falls agape. He searches Renjun’s eyes and hears the boy ask if he’s okay. Time stills. He doesn’t even think of Mark. For the first time in weeks he’s sole focus is on the boy in front of him, on his softly curving nose and enticing lips to the slim fingers holding his shoulders.

 He’s scared, he will absolutely admit that. Mostly because he’s starting to think that this could be worse than losing Mark, if it all goes wrong. That alone is one hundred percent petrifying but Jeno has to try. He thinks Mark would want him too and he knows Jaehyun is always going to support him. So he does.

 “Do you like me?” He asks Renjun, face confused and voice hoarse.

 Renjun covers his eyes with his hands, his lip quivers, scared to answer. “I do.” He says surprisingly firm. A tear escapes his eye and he rests his hands back into his lap looking down at them. “Sorry this is really hard for me, this part of me was the reason I came here in the first place.”

 Jeno uses his thumb to brush away Renjun’s tears. His own have already dried on his cheeks. He remains silent, letting the boy continue if he wishes to do so.

 “Mom didn’t like it,” his voice becomes hush, “it was probably for the better, he didn’t treat me so kindly after a bunch of people exposed us.”

 Jeno pulls the smaller into an embrace.

 “It’s okay now though,” Renjun hiccups, “you’re so nice to me. Way back when you asked if I wrote music my heart was pounding so hard.”

  _Oh Renjun, if only you knew how hard the love in my chest beats against it._

 “I knew you had seen my planner during that scuffle too, you never said anything and that made me like you even more. Then when you…when you linked pinkies with me,” Renjun chokes up again, “I didn’t feel lonely anymore.” He sobs softly into Jeno’s shirt.

 Jeno squeezes him, his own tears resurfacing. “Renjun I’m sorry for making you feel like you had to replace Mark, it took my dumb ass till recently to realize all I needed was you to just be you to make me feel better again.”

 There’s a pause between both of them for a moment, then they both speak at the same time.

 “You make me so happy.”

 They pull apart but stay wound in each other’s arms. The air feels heavy with heat and nerves. Love drunk off confessions, both their eyes become hooded and there mouths short of breath.

 Jeno guides Renjun to lie down beneath him on the bed. Jeno’s knees are bent and even with Renjun’s hips. His hands fit on either side of the brunettes head. Renjun’s fists curl into the collar of Jeno’s hoodie. They both know where this is going it just takes a moment of frantic eye searching to finally fall at ease with the motions of love and life.

 Renjun tugs gently bringing Jeno down, closer.

 Renjun’s breath tickles the underside of Jeno’s nose. Jeno licks his lips before he carefully lowers in the last few centimetres.

 Their lips touch and their noses bump. It’s a little awkward and stressful to find the right angle. Jeno’s face feels like it’s on fire by the time they situate themselves into the best position. Their lips slot together perfectly and Jeno becomes so overwhelmed at the feeling that he bunches the bed sheets up into his fists. His mind is buzzing with all things Renjun.

 They part briefly, sighing into each other’s mouths before taking another breath and diving back in. Renjun’s fingers curl around Jeno’s neck and begin to play with the short hairs there.

 Jeno shivers and hums contentedly at the pampering of the other’s fingers. On impulse he sucks on Renjun’s bottom lip, pulling it into his mouth then letting it go. He does it on repetition making the other whimper and squirm under him.

 Renjun’s hands wander to Jeno’s sides where his skin is exposed due to the bunching of his sweater.

 Jeno feels the caress of those wonderful fingers rubbing trails of heat into his flesh. One hand skirts up a little higher and he moans. It causes them to part again but Jeno doesn’t even have the time to be embarrassed anymore. He could simply moan again at the pretty image beneath him. Renjun’s kiss swollen lips a deep red, his fluffy hair splayed out on the bed and the rise and fall of his chest.

 Renjun smiles wide and shows off his perfect tooth imperfection. He pushes at Jeno gently and they reverse positions. This way they can be closer. Renjun’s light weight makes it tolerable for them to lie chest to chest.

 Jeno cups one of his cheeks, his other hand wanders to the small of his back, holding him securely against him. Their noses rub together before they reconnect lips. Their new proximity gives off the feeling of moulding into one another and Jeno might just lose his mind.

 Jeno can’t even consider this a distraction, he won’t let anyone consider this that either. Renjun can never ever be reduced to something as demeaning as that. He is so much more. Jeno is so ready to have two constants in his life, not replacements.

 Their kisses come to a simmer as drowsiness sets in. Renjun moves more to the side on top of Jeno so the other can be under less strain. Renjun rests his head on the area between Jeno’s chest and shoulder while his reaches up to trace a feathery finger alongside Jeno’s neck.

 The wind howls outside, the orange glow of sunset gets swept away by clouds of dark grey. Drops of water speckle Jeno’s bedroom window. His curtain swooshes caused by the light draft seeping in through the cracked open window.

 “Tomorrow, let’s buy a water plant for your fish.” Jeno states, his breathing finally evening out.

 “Okay but why?” Renjun peers up at him.

 “That way no one is lonely anymore.”

 Renjun’s eyes sparkle, a flash of lightening encircles his hazel orbs. “You think of some of the most wonderful things Jeno. You really are interesting.” Renjun snuggles deeper into Jeno’s side.

 Thunder burls outside. A neighbor’s gate squeaks back and forth in the wind.

 Jeno’s heart thumps.

  _"You’re interesting.”_

**Author's Note:**

> The song Renjun was singing was the superior track My Page on the We Young album :) I really hope you enjoyed reading this, thank you. Comments and kudos are always appreciated and totally make my day! <3 
> 
> I'll be finishing my long fic soon thanks for being patient!


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